I noticed a turn in my PPD/A when Choo-choo started singing his lullabies with me before I put him to bed. Usually, I would sing the songs by myself and he didn’t pay much attention to them, or so I thought. Then one day, he started singing along. He even knew all the words.
I can’t tell you how much my heart felt like it was going to burst from joy in that moment. Tears even filled my eyes. My son was singing a song with me because he wanted to. He smiled, I laughed, and we continued as a duet for the rest of the lullaby.
Choo-choo has sung his bedtime melodies with me every night since then. It has made me realize 1) bedtime doesn’t have to be all stress and rush and no fun and 2) even with my faults and depressive states, Choo-choo is a very happy child.
His singing along has also added to the happy moments of our days. I no longer need to constantly plaster on a smile I neither feel nor believe. I smile due to genuine feelings now, at least with my son. I know there are many, many more happy, loving moments to come, and I can’t wait to experience them.