A trip to remember (or maybe not)

suitcases_MkvA30Iu_LIt has been a pretty brutal past two weeks, to say the least. Diesel, Choo-choo, and I were leaving on a camping vacation. Of course, nothing was ready. By “nothing,” I mean absolutely nothing. Diesel spent day after day trying to get one of his two trucks set for the trip. There was something majorly wrong with both, and neither wanted to cooperate.

Then there was the water leaking through the roof of both our old campers. Water in the ceilings, the walls, the floors. One seemed to have slightly less damage, so that’s the one Diesel had to fix. I am the one who packs the camper, but I couldn’t do my job until Diesel was done with his. So we were rushing around at the last minute, like always, desperately trying to accomplish it all in a very short amount of time.

We also had Choo-choo to think about. Before he came along, I could work all day and night cleaning the camper and loading it up with all our supplies. But I can’t leave him alone in the house in order for me to do this. I needed someone to watch him. Grandma and Grandpa helped, and Diesel took care of him a lot, too. However, with Diesel watching Choo-choo, his work wasn’t getting done.

Choo-choo didn’t make to bed before 11 PM all this past week. He also didn’t really nap, either. That made for a very tired, cranky little boy, which made for a very tired and cranky Mommy. I found myself begging him to go to sleep, begging him to please stop screaming at me, begging him to just please be quiet and still for a while so I could calm my mind.

I lost count of how many times I cried in the last nine days. I even sobbed quite a few times. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown twice. All because we were trying to get away from home for a fun family vacation.

You know Murphy’s law? Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong? Well, it hit us with a vengeance. Once we finally had a working truck, a non-leaking camper, and all the supplies I could think of and then some, we were on our way, along with Diesel’s friend who I’ll call Dodge. Diesel, Choo-choo, and I were all buckled in, our camper was hooked up, Dodge was in his truck behind us, and we set off. Only we didn’t.

Diesel noticed immediately that there was power steering fluid spilling out from the truck. He fixed it hours later, and we started again. Then Dodge started having problems with his own pickup. I will spare you the details, but rest assured the trip, which was already days behind, never really materialized. We made it halfway to our destination (a truck show in Iowa) with one kind of fixed truck and one that was broken more than they’d expected.

There was another late night, Choo-choo crying because he was scared of sleeping in a new place and wanted to go home, and me crying yet again from the stress of it all. Diesel fixed Dodge’s truck, but alas, we just couldn’t seem to get any closer to our destination without more breakdowns and hours of repairs that didn’t work.

We had to turn back, following Dodge back toward home in case he broke down again. Diesel and I knew of a state park we could stay at close enough to home that Dodge could make it by himself and we could continue on our trip. We’d take out the original plan and move up what we intended to do after the truck show.

Then we discovered the park was closed. Like, really closed, gates up at each campground entrance. We were only an hour away from home at this point, and we were all upset and disappointed for one reason or another. Diesel and I made the difficult decision of just coming home and trying again a different day.

Only now I’m struggling with my disappointment. I wanted a vacation, then I wanted a vacation away from my vacation. Now I just don’t want to be home. I know the saying goes that you can’t always get what you want, but I can’t seem to get anything I want right now. And this is not a “poor me” moment; this is just me feeling stuck and frustrated during a time that I was supposed to be happy and relaxed.

Not sure when or if we will make it back out. I do know one thing, though. There ARE actually moments of this past week for which I am thankful. Choo-choo had a great time playing with Diesel, Dodge, and I at the park and also at another playground. Diesel remembered my birthday is coming up and even asked what I’d like to do for it. Most importantly, things could have been much worse. We all made it home safe. No matter what happens to the rest of our trip, I thank God for all of these good things and more.

Author: stepbackandbreathe33

I am a writer, mother, wife, and fighter in the battle against depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD.

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