This is me

Hello my name is

Talking to people, especially those I don’t know, has always been an ordeal for me. I get shaky, my heart races, I feel nauseous. Sometimes I feel like I will open my mouth and nothing will come out. That has actually happened once or twice.

I find it very difficult to speak to those I don’t know. For example, the other day I received a call about an order I made online. They needed more information and requested I call them back. It was an issue that absolutely had to be fixed; otherwise, I would have been charged $400 for something I no longer needed.

Diesel, Choo-choo, and I were an hour away when I got the call on my cell phone. I had to wait until we were home to call back so I could have the order number and all the information in front of me. That gave me an hour of fret and worry and stress. When stressed or nervous in the car, I squeeze my fingers. So, there I was, squeezing my hands until they were splotchy, silently rehearsing what I would say to this stranger.

Once home, I found my order info and picked up the phone. Then I set it back down. After a few deep breaths, I picked it up again. There was ringing, then the man who had called me answered. I calmly told him who I was and why I was calling, using the pretend conversation I’d practiced as a guide.

The man was very kind and helpful and fixed the situation right away. I realized I’d had nothing to fear. However, I also know this tension and fear is going to happen again. I feel my stomach tightening up just thinking about it.



Author: stepbackandbreathe33

I am a writer, mother, wife, and fighter in the battle against depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD.

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