Just breathe

Zen

Doesn’t she look so peaceful? So calm and content?

Yeah, that so was not me yesterday. I was more the frazzled, frayed nerves, and a-million-thoughts-at-once type.

I could not get my brain to focus on any one thing for a decent amount of time. Incidentally, I was annoyed with Choo-choo for the same thing. Then again, his lack of focus was really more a refusal to pay attention to anything I said to him to the point where I think he was blocking out my voice completely.

There was also his constant repetition. Sentences he told me over and over, even though I had already acknowledged and answered him.

“Daddy home now,” he said.

“Yes, Daddy’s home now,” I replied.

Apparently, answering a two year old without looking at them or without holding your gaze on them for more than a 30 seconds means you didn’t hear them. “Daddy home now. Daddy home now.”

“Yes, honey, I heard you. Daddy is home. I know.”

Then it was “I want your food.”

“You have your own food,” I told him, eying his full plate of spaghetti that was exactly like mine.

“No, I want yours.”

“But you have your own.”

And on it went. I mean, seriously, it seemed like it would never end. Even when I gave him my undivided attention. I worry sometimes about how much he repeats himself and also how much he doesn’t like changing subjects. Or when he does, he still asks the same questions and says the same statements over and over. Like, is it normal? Does he think we aren’t listening to him as much as we think he doesn’t listen to us?

I don’t, and didn’t, have the answers. What I did have was a headache and the fear I was turning into a nag. How many times need I say “Please finish drinking your water” to my chatterbox of a child before it just completely becomes redundant?

I wish I knew that answer, too. For now, I will end by saying that at some point, my precocious child did actually drink the rest of his aforementioned beverage. He also both calmed down and eased up on the repetition once he had time to play and burn off some energy.

As for me, well, I hope to be the calm, controlled, peaceful woman above. Will I have time to center myself and practice patience today? Maybe. Hopefully. I won’t really know until the day is over. Until then, I will take time to breathe in the short moments and allow my child to be whomever he is, repetitive statements and all.

 

 

Author: stepbackandbreathe33

I am a writer, mother, wife, and fighter in the battle against depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD.

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