I have never liked being home alone at night. Once I was in my late teens, I still stayed at friends’ houses when my parents were out of town. While this fear relaxed a bit, it has never fully gone away.
Ever since my postpartum depression/anxiety and OCD kicked in, I have spent a lot of time wondering what I would do if someone broke into my house and attacked me. I especially worry about someone trying to rape me. I think about this mostly when I am in the shower, as I am the most vulnerable then. My mind floods with questions and what ifs.
What kind of makeshift weapon could I use to defend myself? If I can’t get to one, where could I find another? How physical would I have to fight in order to stay safe?
Of course, my anxiety ratchets up when I think about Choo-choo being here as well. In the by myself scenarios, I bash the attacker or render them incapacitated in some way and run outside. If Choo-choo were to be home with me, though, I would never leave him behind. I’d take him with me, or at least find a way to keep us both safe until help arrived.
Do any of you run these types of scenarios through your minds as well? Or is it only me?