Restless

I have been up almost every night for the past several months with Choo-Choo. At least once a night, sometimes four or five times.

He finally made it three nights in a row without waking until morning, so Diesel and I celebrated with him by going somewhere fun and special. Of course, as soon as we announced this was happening, he stopped sleeping through the night again.

Thursday night was among those. I wasn’t able to fall asleep until after 1:30 AM, and my son woke up at 5:30 AM. It took twenty minutes to get him back in bed and willing to fall asleep again, only for him to wake up less than an hour later, declaring he was up for the day.

Waking up at 6:30 in the morning might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but my child almost never wakes up before 8 AM. I was also running on less than four hours of sleep. We went ahead with our family fun day because we’d promised and Choo-choo was so excited about it.

After being awake for sixteen hours, he finally fell asleep around 10:30 PM, having fought going to bed until that point. It’s too early to say whether he slept all night or not, but I can tell you this, I am one tired mama. No amount of sleep seems to make up for what I have lost. Even those three nights of uninterrupted slumber still resulted in exhaustion in the morning.

If you are currently experiencing this with your child, I completely sympathize with you. I want us all to know it will get better. Our children will sleep better, again or for the first time, eventually. I believe in doing what safely works best for your child(ren). For us, having Choo-choo cry it out worked when he first started really sleeping in his crib, but is not practical now.

If you are regular readers, you might remember me mentioning this topic before. I am just feeling really worn down by this right now. The lack of sleep has had a negative impact in my battle with depression and anxiety. I keep telling myself it will get better, our sleep will improve.

For some reason, the chorus of Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle” keeps playing in my head as Choo-Choo and I navigate our way to what is best for him in order to sleep all night: “It just takes some time/[…] you’re in the middle of the ride/everything, everything will be just fine/everything, everything will be all right.”

Author: stepbackandbreathe33

I am a writer, mother, wife, and fighter in the battle against depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD.

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