My bed is calling to me right now. Choo-choo kept me up for two and a half hours in the middle of the night. No matter how many times I rocked him, sang to him, cuddled with him, and gave him hugs and kisses, he just wouldn’t lie in his bed for longer than ten or so minutes without yelling for me again.
I was angry and frustrated about it. I mean, come on. He deprived me of nearly three hours of desperately needed sleep.
Then I started to think. I was annoyed and angry, but then, I think nearly every other parent would have been as well. It is not something that was happening to me and me only. It was not an issue only for me because of my depression.
It didn’t matter how many people told me the things I go through that all parents go through or how many times I heard this. I still took every issue to heart. It was all my fault because of my depression. Only it wasn’t.
Well, maybe some of it was my fault and some of it definitely was from the depression, but I can finally recognize what normal parenting issues look like without them having to be pointed out to me. I can see the things that any other parent would be annoyed or irritated by.
This is huge! I mean, it’s a really, totally, seriously big deal. I don’t have to be forced out of the shadow of depression to see the things all parents go through. I can see it for myself.
I so love this progress. It might seem like a small thing to some of you, but I know what an important step this is for me.
To any of you still struggling in the deep end desperate for shallower waters, it’s there. Hope and relief are there. Please don’t give up. Please keep trying. Know that there are people who understand and people who can help you. Progress is possible.