…Except that I don’t.
This is what my therapist and concluded at my last session. We both knew about my lack of confidence before, of course. The topic has come up a lot. Only I did not fully realize just how many aspects of my life it affected.
Remember when I told you all about how I never had a driver’s license? Well, here I am, six months after earning my learner’s permit. And I don’t have the hours to schedule my driving test. Not even close. Of those 50 hours required, I’d say I still need just about all of them.
I have a ton of reasons why this has not happened: Diesel is too busy to take me, Choo-choo is always here and I don’t want to drive with him in the car, everyone else works or is busy or I would feel too nervous with them, the weather was too rainy or windy, I had too much household work to do. On and on it goes.
However, the real reason (or one of them) is much deeper than all that. I don’t feel confident enough in myself to make driving a priority. I am too scared to drive in any weather that isn’t sunny. I’m terrified to drive with my son in the car. I don’t have the confidence to say, “I can do this and I’m going to rock at it!”
Well, THAT STOPS NOW.
Because, you see, I believe that I can drive whenever and wherever I need or want even if I don’t exactly know this yet. That famed line sung by Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music” is going to become my new mantra. “I have confidence in me!”
My confidence in my abilities should not be based on my husband’s confidence in me, or anyone else’s for that matter. I mean, no, I am not the best driver yet. The only way for me to get better is to practice. In order to practice, I have to believe that I can do it. I have to be confident enough to say, “This will be fine. Everything is going to be okay. I can pay attention to my driving and not let everything distract me. I can keep me and my passengers safe. I CAN DO THIS!”
And it’s okay if I am scared. Everyone is scared of something. You can be brave and scared at the same time. “Being brave is not the same as not being scared. It’s about what you do even when you do feel scared,” to quote a special movie of “Thomas & Friends.” (And yes, I totally just quoted a children’s show to you, but hey, it’s the best line I can think of to demonstrate what I mean. Besides, it’s the one that comes to mind every time I think of bravery.)
This is the concept I need to focus on. I can be scared and brave at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. The more I practice this, the easier it will become.
You can adopt this concept as well. Just remember that you can be brave and do brave things while you are scared. And if you need to, simply remind yourself: “I have confidence in me!”