The gift of friendship

 

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Friendship is therapy.

Not to discount professional counseling. Quite the contrary. Psychotherapy has been a godsend in my life.

So have my friends. I cannot imagine life without friends.

My best friend has been in my life since kindergarten. We grew up in a small town where everyone seems to know everyone else. Though we knew each other, we were both too shy to be anything but classmates for the first few years of school. Sometime or other, that changed.

For most friendships, part of the beauty lies in becoming closer without really knowing when exactly you clicked. This is true for us as well. Continue reading “The gift of friendship”

Overwhelmed by memories of the past

There is a song I haven’t listened to in years. It’s called “One Sweet Day” and was performed by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. If you are unfamiliar with the song, it is about having lost loved ones and finding comfort in knowing you will see them again in Heaven. It is sweet and moving and, during the right moods, utterly depressing.

I had a best friend when I was in my pre-teen years who was the daughter of my mom’s friend. My friend I will call Gidget and I spent entire summers at each other’s houses, mostly with me at hers while my parents worked. Continue reading “Overwhelmed by memories of the past”

BFFs Forever

In less than two weeks, my dearest, bestest friend Teacher Leia is moving thousands of miles away. She was offered a position she couldn’t (well, wouldn’t) refuse. So, she and her husband are leaving their home, families, and friends to journey on to their new destination.

I haven’t mentioned this on here yet because this topic is hard for me in some ways. I mean, I am beyond thrilled for them starting new lives together in a new place. They haven’t been married a year yet, which just adds to the excitement for them. I am equally ecstatic for Teacher Leia. She worked her butt off to earn her degree, and I am so, so happy she will finally be able to put it to good use.

But like I said, some of this is hard for me. I often feel more depressed thinking about what is to happen Continue reading “BFFs Forever”

My fears, part three

I have told you all about some of my major fears, which you can read about here and here. There is something else. I never attended college. Not because I wasn’t accepted; I was.

I picked a university six hours from home. My parents and I drove down for the tour. I loved every part of that school, including what was to be my dorm. And though I didn’t have all the money I needed for tuition, I had a plan on how to pay, including loans.

But I didn’t go. Continue reading “My fears, part three”

A friend in need

I’m a terrible friend. I really am. Not in that I don’t love or don’t care because I do both fiercely. Just sometimes, I can be a bit flighty. More than that, I get scared.

Fear has been a driving force in my life for a very long time. My anxiety is to the point that I can’t hardly bring myself to pick up the phone to call a friend or go hang out with them somewhere. My breath quickens. My insides hurt. I start clenching my fingers together without noticing.

It is only after I have managed to calm down a bit that I can relax my hands and maybe–possibly–pick up the telephone. Sometimes not. Sometimes if I do call, I actually hope to get voice mail so they can call me back as opposed to them saging hello and catching me off guard. Even with calls to friends and family, I rehearse what I want to say when they answer, but my nerves get the best of me and I tend to forget. I might even stall to remember or even to work up more courage.

I do honestly prefer being home most of the time, anyway, only because there is no pressure at home. I find having conversations with Choo-choo to often be less anxiety-producing than with others.

So if you ever get a nervous message from me or if I cancel plans or hesitate to make them in the first place, you now know why. And yes, I am sorry for this. I understand it does not make things any easier, and I am working on that. I just want to say a big thank you to those who have stuck it out through it all with me. Thank you for your kindness, patience, and understanding! ❤️